Last week, Dr. Greg Gifford focused on the first principle of good, God-honoring communication, of being honest by speaking the truth in love. Today, we are introduced to two more principles of communication: listening to understand and communicating immediately and regularly.
Listen to Understand
James 1:19 states, “Know this, my beloved brothers. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (LSB). Listening is the most important relationship skill that we can have. James 1 shows the inextricable link between listening and anger. Those who are bad at listening are the same people who are stirred to anger regularly. They are not people of reasoning and understanding. When a person is speaking the truth in love to us, our response should be to listen intently to understand what they are intending to say.
Listening to understand does not mean listening in the way that a defense attorney listens. True listening does not mean attaching to and attacking every word that a person says. It does not mean twisting the words other the other person to accomplish our own purpose. Instead, we must listen for the meaning and intent behind the words being said. One way to practically do so is to learn to ask questions to better understand, such as “What do you mean?” or “How can I get better in this area?”
Keep Current
In Ephesians 4:26-27, it says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (LSB). This verse clearly lays out the principle to engage in communication with immediacy and regularity in our relationships. Unrighteous anger will get worse the longer we let it fester. When we communicate regularly, it becomes preventative against the resentment and bitterness that will come from not talking things through.
Furthermore, letting anger fester rather than addressing the situation right away distorts subsequent problems as well. We can end up becoming hypersensitive to the other person in the situation, to the point where everything they say and do drives us to the point of anger against them. It can also lead to discouragement, specifically spiritual discouragement in our lives, as poor communication is not a way in which we can honor the LORD. Overall, keeping current is the key to avoiding unrighteous anger and unnecessary conflict.
This blog post captures the essence of Dr. Greg Gifford’s series on God-honoring communication. You may click on the video above to hear more insightful details about how we can pursue Christ, build relationships, and safeguard against conflict through the skills of communication. Dr. Gifford is the Chair of the Undergraduate School of Biblical Counseling as well as a Biblical Counseling Professor for The Master’s University traditional on-campus program.
